Christmas in Cambodia!

Sihanoukville's coastline stretches for miles into the distance, Running parallel to the main beach front are hundreds of beach shack bars; they all have soft chairs running out onto the shore and sell $1 coconuts and 50cent beer. Looking to the ocean the sun makes the water ripples glisten and cast the simple fishing boats into silhouettes. further out a cluster of islands sit hazy on the horizon. We spent many of our days in Sihanoukville laying under the sun throughout the day and swimming when the heat became unbearable. It was on one of these swims along the beach that Alana managed to track me down so as the gentle waves rolled passed we caught up on each other’s travel adventures and were introduced to Jamie and Elouise, a couple from the glorious English west country. Eloise had won a wet tshirt competition the day before we arrived.

On Christmas eve I pulled on my santa hat and went on a search for presents for Andy, Andi and Alana. With a budget of only $8 I did go a bit overboard. By dusk we were ferried across to one of the smaller islands for the Christmas countdown. On the boat there were some Swedish girls opposite us belting out jingle bells in their native tongue, what followed and continued for the remainder of the journey was a shouting match between Swedish and British versions of festive tunes. Once on the island there was a fair sized crowd but a strangely chilled atmosphere, this is in part due to the DJ continually butchering classic songs down to generic dance remixes, the only Christmas song I remember hearing was that Mariah Carey one.. but we still made it a truly excellent night, drinking from split 2ltr bottles of whisky and coke we were also the only ones who ran/pushed into the sea. In the water every movement you make sets off phosphorescent plankton like thousands of tiny sparks they momentarily lighting up the midnight ocean and bathe bodies in a warm glow. Back in mainland we stumbled into Dolphin Shack and throw down some epic dance moves, by dawn we were conked out on the beach, nestled in wicker chairs using thick seat cushions as makeshift blankets. A few of us swam out to the unguarded inflatable playground and played on the trampoline, climbing walls and slide until we got caught by a local. At around 8:00am on the tropical Christmas morning we decided it was time to have some sleep in actual beds.

I woke up still feeling the effects of the whisky, cranked my speaker to full and played “Fairytale in New York” me and andy singing at the top of our voices and doing jigs on top our sandy beds. We had a Christmas dinner at the girls guesthouse; Mikey and Craigs. Sometime during the night the whole of the town had lost its power and everywhere was running on generators, nevertheless they still they managed to prepare some great food; I had grilled aubergine stuffed with feta and parmesan, with roasted spuds, veg and apple crumble for desert. After last night none of us were back on the beer, instead Jamie brought some Tetley teabags for all of us all the way from home, so we ordered hot water and milk and enjoyed a very English luxury. At our Christmas table we exchanged presents; from Andy I got a bright pink rubber ring, "The Life of Pai" novel, and a oversized vest, Andi gave me a Frisbee and Alana brought me bracelets, a rainbow headband, a shrimp dangly thing and a helium balloon of grinning Mickey and Minnie mouse beaming away inside a war helicopter, armed to the teeth with missiles and machine gun. Needless to say I was seriously chuffed with all my presents and I didn’t realise until now just how much fun helium balloons are! We chilled on the beach sipping coconuts for a while and then to TopCat, this place is owned by a friendly American dude and its basically a dozen air conditioned cinema rooms with massive tv’s on the walls and you can pretty much watch any movie you want. The six of us crammed into the smoosh room; it’s full of cushions, pillows and blankets and right infront of you a 42inch tv. (I have made a mental note to include one of these into my future house) I shared a massive pizza with Alana and watched ‘The Goods, Live Hard, Sell Hard' and The Inbetweeners Movie. After this I caught up with my family, It’s strange because of the time difference my Christmas was drawing to a close whereas through the webcam bright winter light and my family sat around for dinner. Truth be told I hadn’t been looking forward Christmas this year. There had been no build up; no frosty mornings, no cosy pub meals and malt wine round a fire, no family. But in all honesty I don’t think this festive season could have been much better. It was just one of those times where everything was good, everyone was happy and in this blog I won’t be able to do justice to have good our Cambodia Christmas really was.

The Mekong Delta

From Saigon we moved further south, deep into the heart of the Mekong Delta, throughout the journey we saw long stretches of paddy fields either side of the road, dead in the center of most of them were elaborate tombs built ontop of dirt mounds, shrines to the family members now returned to their land. Speaking to our guide he told us a few home truths about his country, he said it wasn't really communist and there is such a massive class divide, this he could accept, even the 100,000 dong police bribes he has to shell out all too often. He explains that it is built into the system, if you want a document to get to it's destination before anyone elses then throw in a few hundred-thousand dong and it will. What our guide hated was that this also applied to hospitals beds and school seats. Keeping education a luxury for only the highest bidders maintains the status quo and prevents this class hierarki from ever being altered. Eventually we transferred from land to river and sailed to the An Binh islands. Docking in the cluster of islands we saw how rice noodles are made, tried coconut sweets, hung out with snakes and alligators, took a narrowboat trip through a mangrove passage and rode bikes around the circumference of one of the larger islands. The Mekong's waters flow through China, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam, the biodiversity found within the river is only surpassed by the Amazon, some of these creatures include the giant fresh water stingrays and the giant dog eating catfish, unfortunately due to a increasing population and overfishing these marine monsters have become a seldom seen rarity.

By dusk we had made anchor in the mainland to do a homestay with a family, we rode on the back of two local's motorbike way out of the town, down a dusty rural track between the boundaries of rice fields to a river edge, here we disembarked from the bikes as the only way to cross was to walk over a few loose logs tied together. Once safely over a small family welcomed us to their one story abode, We sat down and drank Vietnamese green tea with our host. throughout the evening he used us to practice his English, constantly jotting down certain words and asking us to spell them out for him, at one point he passed me his mobile and asked if I would talk to a very shy lady on the other end because she too wanted to brush up on her foreign languages. We tried to introduce the family to the Beatles but I don't think they were feelin' it. During dinner our host saw I liked spicy food and challenged me to a chilli eating contest, I lost. Around the grounds was a petting zoo of animals including; monkey, teripine, crabs, eels, fish, lizard and quail, they also had a dog so after asking if they ever eat canine he explained he'd never eat his own dog, its his pet, but if another dog strays onto his land then fair game. At dawn we were taken on two wheels to a bussling but pungent market along side the river. There were lots of freshly caught eels and fish, the market woman would gut the fish with scissors so quickly you barely saw it, we didnt have time to stay and explore though because our new vessel had pulled up along side us. We powered upstream to the floating market, there were hundreds of boats maneuvering in the river all selling fruit, fish and vegetables. Locals passing melons from one ship to another, any detritus froms preparation process is thrown overboard, the water is littered with pineapple stalks, roots and leaves floating out into open waters. boats saddle up beside ours as the seller bind the two boats with one foot whilst steering with the other and offering goods in her free hands.

We veered away from the main river and followed a small tributry heading west stopping of at a Cham minority village, the outside of their tall stilt huts had dates inscribes at different height correlating to the water level during the annual rainy season, 2002 indicating the most severe with it's height far exceeding my own and continuing up to the latches of the door. Inside the house a woman sewing traditional Muslim towels used during prayer. We climbed to the top of a grand monastery that offered great views and came complete with its very own bat cave. A couple more hours on the boat and a few new passport stamps later, we had crossed the Cambodian boarder and anchored on the outskirts of the capital Phon Phen, here we were all crammed into the back of a minivan. all air-con vents had been taped up and I couldn't move an inch, my legs were nestled between a little sleeping Chinese kid and a frenchmens crotch. Once in the city center I peeled my body away from the worn leather chair and evacuated the human sardine can. Later we booked a bus for the coast but because it was departing early next morning we wanted to sleep somewhere close by and stayed in a locals travel inn, there were no westerners and the Cambodians in the other rooms looked at us strangely, the bed was pretty dirty the bathroom had no sink and little running water, it was fine for one night though, most of the next morning was devoted to travelling down to Sihanoukville by bus and motorbike, after a long search we found a place to sleep and dump bags. The remainder of the day slip by whilst we chilled out on the beach, breathing in the fresh ocean air and basking in clear blue skies, the calm warm seas lapping under foot.

The City With Three Names

Ho Chi Minh City, Motorcycle City or Siagon this is my final major city of Vietnam, arriving in the low digits of morning I was feeling slightly disorientated from the sleeper bus, stepping onto an urban green of gardens and algae covered lakes there were lots of early risers doing very peculiar exercises, if you want to try it basically swing your arms infront of you then behind and briskly walking in circles... They seem to do this all over Asia, must be something in the water. While in Saigon we visited The Palace, Markets and The Sheraton Hotel Skybar; sat down, took a few pictures of the view, got handed a menu, looked at the drink prices annnnd quickly vacated. I don't think I am ever going to get used to crossing the road round here, when a bike is fast approaching your vicinity do you; A. stop dead like a rabbit in headlights, B. backtrack to make room, or C. just keep walking as if its not there. I think the latter applies to the vast majority of locals, so when in Rome I guess.

We went to the War Remnants Museum that had ex-US military tanks and aircraft outside it. Inside was three stories worth of horrific images, some showed entire families seared beyond all recognition by napalm, Vietnamese soldiers being dragged half dead by US tanks. Although it has to be said this Museum is completely bias against America and says nothing of Vietnamese darker side during the war, you cannot argue with the photos. I can however appreciate the shift in mindset of an American soldier who has seen his friends die next to him, I think if you were in the thick of a battle you would do things you never thought yourself capable.

But what hit me hardest was the realisation that a group of high ranking Americans, away from the grit and reality of war had used Vietnam as a proving ground, essentially a means to test experimental American weaponry on an entire population. The worst of these experiments was Agent Orange, these were also the most disturbing images. The Americans had a good idea of what the chemical would do and yet they spayed it by the plane-load, ensuring not only a slow painful death to anyone who was exposed but also that a new generation would be born mutilated and deformed. The Vietnamese people so heavily reliant on agriculture had to pick up the pieces and make do with their poisoned land long after the war had ended and the troops had gone home. It also goes without saying that America seemed to do what it liked in Asia during this period, also bombed neighbouring Laos and Cambodia. OK so rant over, and these are more than likely things you already know but it does change your perspective when your here, exposed daily to the people on the street with the tell tell misshaped limbs. Seeing the living consequences and not just reading about it from history books.

The Vietnam Stretch

Our next port of call down the Vietnam stretch was Hoi An, it isn't a particularly big town but nice enough with a few bridges over a river and restaurants running parallel. What Hoi An does offer is excellent food of all types and markets that you can get your haggle on. We stayed at a pretty posh hotel but in the basement so the rooms were cheap. They had a Karaoke room (Vietnam loves drunk amateur singing) Swimming Pool, pool table and a viewing point like a birds nest on top of the lift shaft. They even make you sandwiches at whatever time you want. Unfortunately the skies stayed grey and wet for the duration of our stay so we trudged around in plastic ponchos, our flipflips flicking water up with every step. Hoi An did give us a couple of good nights out though, mainly down to its ridiculously cheap Mekong Whisky and beer. The four of us tended to pre-drink in our hotel room, and I got screwed over in a game called ''ride' the bus'' after that blurry night we woke up to discover we had acquired full size manikin, complete with wig and dress.

Nha Trang is built up along a beachfront that I can imagine on a good day would be beautiful, but right now the palm trees were swinging and the wind was kicking up sand. I think this moody weather is the remainders of the storm that pelted the Philippines. We decided to rent motorbikes to explore a few temples nestled within the city's outskirts and just when we got onto the main road we were hit by torrential rain. We could barely see because of the the water splashing your eyes and the skies were too dark for sunglasses. This being Vietnam the roads were swarming with bikes and there were a few times where we lost each other. I saw a couple of accidents, one where a woman's scooter was clipped and she hurtled over the handlebars, another where a man had weighed his bike too full with supplies to handle the slippery roads and toppled over. By the time we had got back to our hostel it we night and we were all shattered. Originally Andy and I had seriously considered buying bikes and riding them from North to South, we have now decided its probably not for the best, especially when you consider that 30 people a day are killed on Vietnam's main road (the A1).

Looking out from the mainland, past the oil tankers and cargo ships there is an island a fair distance out to sea, it has the name Vinpearl gleaming through the mist like the Hollywood sign, this is Vietnam's Disneyland. We had to give it a go, but to get there you had to cross the water by Gondola, we swayed about suspended above the choppy seas just hoping there wasn't going to be a lightning storm anytime soon. Vinpearl is split into four main sections, the theme park rides, the arcades, the hotel and the waterpark. The theme park included one ride that spins you upside down and side to side for a couple of minutes as your legs fall free of the harness, this fear gives you a whole level of éxcitement' Most of Vinpearl was pretty empty and most of the ride conductors had trainee pinned to their chests, the arcades had hundreds of free oldschool games like 'time crisis' but my favourite was the mechanical bull. The highlight section of Vinpearl was the waterpark though, lots of rides, some of which burned your back as you flew down them and unlike in England the safety guys at the top of the flumes actively encourage as many people to go down at once and on the flumes that require a ring the safety guys will try and kick it round at the last second so your travelling down a deathslide backwards (see you just don't get this type of fear in western parks). We saved the best flume till last; you have a massive inflatable raft the size of a car that is hoisted by crane to the highest open top flume. we all pushed it along like a bobsleigh and jumped in, we almost lost Andy who slipped on the first go but managed to get through the laughter and haul him back in. Once you get going and pick up speed the raft goes almost vertical in the corners and whoever is on the outside gets launched higher than the lip of the flume then landing on whoever was below. In the evenings in Nha Trang we went to 'why not bar' had some meaningful conversations and met some friendly Aussie girls. This is also the point where we had to sadly bid adieu to Aaron and Alex but it did allow us a much needed detox.

Hanoi to Ha Long Bay

Throughout Vietnam the scooter is king, it has become the 21st century mule, As well as entire families I have seen them weighed down with stacks of doors, metal poles, live chicken swinging by their ankles and a goat casually riding between the driver and handlebars. The low hum and horns resonate throughout the city 24 hours a day and when you encounter a road the best you can do is hold your breathe, hope for the best and cautiously edge your way to safety. Our first few hours in the city we witnessed police get out of an open top van and literally grab a woman selling fruit, her basket was tossed to the floor and she was sat in the van between two officers, shaking and crying as they disappeared into a mass of motorbikes, it happened so quickly I didn't have time to process any of it, but I really didn't know what I could do, is this something that occurs often? the locals were completely unsympathetic to the woman's plight and dismissed it entirely, some laughing. During daylight we saw a prison the French used to imprison and execute the Vietnamese in the colonial era which was later used to house American POW including John McCain, I managed to talk my way to the top of a unfurnished skyscraper where I looked out over the cityscape from a windy penthouse windowframe. I posed as a convincing historian in a temple and we unleashed some moves in an all female aerobics class in the botanic gardens. We also payed a quick visit to Ho Chi Minh; the Marxist revolutionary that shaped Vietnam into the independent socialist republic it is today, preserved in a glass coffin, a la Lenin, he rests in a grand Mausoleum between the millennium park and citadel. Throughout we have been travelling about with two lads we met on the sleeper bus; Aaron and Alex, I knew I would get on well with them the minute I heard them snigger at the name of the currency out here; Dong. Every evening we had a lot of fun experienced Hanoi's nightlife the venues ranged from a shady back alley club where we got chased home by prostitutes to marketbar where the top floor barman ignored the 12:00 curfew and extended happy hour till early morning letting me DJ for the night. In fact as I write this, everyone else is off at the bar having a wonderful night, I'm here with a coke and the receptionist asleep in the lobby behind me, my camera plugged into the computer occasionally giving me a mild electric shock. The food here isn't like anywhere else in Asia, decent food stools are scarce and the few around are aimed at locals. There is a massive divide between local and tourist food spots, a couple of times when I was on my own and wanted to try something 'authentic' I was actually turned away from the food place. You can't always trust what is in your food either as the vendor will outright lie to you, with roasted dog hanging from some restaurants and reports of 'pork' being remarkably chewy and occasionally containing fur, I am glad to be a pescetarian. Most of our time in Hanoi the weather was either overcast or raining, It was strange to see lots of the locals in big jackets and woolly hats, I kept having to reminding myself 'for them its winter' but the temperature feels roughly comparable to a 'typical' British summer day, naturally we all rocked out the shorts and flipflops whilst the Vietnamese shiver.

We travelled down to Ha Long Bay (Descending Dragon Bay) and set sail round the limestone islands, the first day was very cold and cloudy. In fact out of all the people on the boat, Andy and I where the only two that braved the water to canoe. After drifting around for a bit we discovered a tranquil cove in the centre of an island, the water was so still and calm. As part of the tour we all visited some psychedelically coloured caves where the locals had set up a kaleidoscope of lights, all very touristy. On the way out we stopped at a shop to buy a crate of beer, we all felt very clever bypassing the boats own extortionate beer prices, but once on board the crew spotted the box (hidden half arsed under a lifejacket) and we were swiftly shown a laminate card saying "$1 corkage fee per beer" this was both confusing and unreasonable nevertheless the captain commandeered our crate and kept it below his disco ball. As night set in we caved to the boat bar pricing and played new drinking games with two Australian girls and an Irish couple. The older end of the table talking amongst themselves but drinking even more heavily especially the crazy old Mexican in the corner who would now and then jump of his seat spit out some broken English in our direction and collapse back down again. Needless to say it was a pretty good night.

The morning welcomed us with brilliant blue skies and after breakfast we docked once more to go trekking, I didn't realise this until I saw the mountainside and only brought flipflops so decided to tackle it without them, It got a lot of interesting looks and laughs from the locals who called me monkeyfeet but I managed it fairly easily. At the peak of the mountain was a very old and very rusty and very tall lookout tower, This thing looked like it could fall down at any second, the stairs you climb (some missing in places) were suspended on the outside of the structure meaning as you checked your footing all that was beneath the mangled stairs was air. At the top was a platform but all that stopped you plummeting below was some wooden planks laid over the frame and there was a man sized gap you had to step over after the top step. Seriously this thing was ridiculous, usually I have absolutely no problem with heights but if you didn't suffer from vertigo climbing this thing I think there is something deeply wrong with you. The view from the platform was impressive but to be honest I only spent a couple of minutes up there before making my descent, I needed to sink my feet back into the earth as soon as possible. After the trek the four of us chilled out in the sun by the bay, trying to spot faces in the limestone rocks and discussing the meaning of life. The final evening back out to sea we cunningly hid our re-released beers in our day bags and drank them below deck, in the cabin where drunken antics soon ensued.

Vientiane and the 31 hours

Our journey to Vientiane crossed dust storms and half finished bumpy roads, the driver pent up on taurine cohering the minibus from one side to the other trying to find the least damaged parts of the road. We made our way to the riverside, but it wasn't what we were expecting, the river had shrunk exposing cracked arid banks I watched children throwing dust bombs at each other whilst a hazy and bloated sun lazily slid below the horizon. For a capital city there didn't seem to be too much to do so we decided to leave for Hanoi as soon as our visas were approved.

The following day however we bumped into Kev & Nat a class couple from Liverpool and Alana & Andrea et al, all of which we had previously met tubing. All nine of us crammed into a tuk tuk destine for Buddha Park on the outskirts of the city. It is essentially a riverside field full of intricate statues of Buddhas, Cowheaded people and decidedly mean looking statues. The most impressive is a giant sleeping Buddha and a 3 story vessel you could climb up by entering a demonic mouth. Later when the sun was a bit cooler I decided to attempt my first run since embarking on this world tour. Running has been something I have missed but it is hard to find good routes in unfamiliar cities, especially when there aren't any pavements and crazy traffic, plus iv been unable to convince anyone to come with me so I had put it off, today following the river down a half dirt half concrete path seemed adequate. Next issue; my Brooks were in a wardrobe 6,000 miles away so I decided to run barefoot. It is a lot of fun, your stride changes as if your running on hot coals, dodging an assault course of rocks and stones. You end up landing on the pad of your feet as opposed to the heel strike you do with conventional running shoes. Along the way I passed the monstrous palace hotel looking so out of place in this low level city, I also jogged passed a few mass aerobics class. Running till sundown and until my feet hurt I returned to the dorm and realised my feet had a couple of cuts and blood blisters but nothing a hot shower couldn't solve. I threw on some fresh-ish clothes and went to find the others for drinks and a meal eventually we ended up in Skybar, a plush hotel with a nightclub inside that turns out to be the behemoth building I had ran past earlier, Andy was convinced it was run by the mafia. Most of the night we stayed together throwing some shapes by the bar, it was similar to clubs back in the UK but if you peered further towards the epicentre you saw the club's more seedy nature, there were dozens of prostitutes trying to find new work. You spot them a mile off because most of the local girls have chaperons and dress pretty normally, I guess most westerners are either very naive or know exactly what they are getting into like the pack of old western men circling the dancefloor.

We had arranged to meet again the next day at 11 for breakfast but Kev was the only one who felt well enough to participate, we rented dutch style bikes that had seen better days and travelled to the harder to reach parts of the city, some of the monolithic buildings had adopted the hammer and sickle flags, We visited a big golden temple and a driving range. even though there is so much poverty there is definitely people with money around, asides the massive hotels we saw Bentleys and Hummers. We returned our bikes said our goodbyes to Kev Nat Alana & Andrea and departed for the bus station. The station is a dust pit of tuk tuks and people shouting and drivers stomping down luggage on the roofs of coaches. Our driver said he wouldn't open doors until 7:00 so we went to get supplies for this 23 hour journey that would inevitably be more. Stocking up on a couple of bags of crisps and water we got back to the bus at 6:55 and the bus was already pulling out, I just managed to stop it in time.. As you walk on you have to remove your flipflops because the bus is all red leather gangways and deck chair style sleeper seats. We found an empty row of 5 at the back of the bus and spread out, the only disadvantage, the engine was directly below and it got a bit toasty, that was until we got to the Lao border where the weather suddenly went over very British, we drove towards a looming gated fence between mountains shrouded in fog and rain. Here is where we braved the elements to get our passports stamped, naturally we all queued as the Laotians and Vietnamese pushed and shoved to the front. We were then marched across no-mans land to run our bags past sniffer dogs and scanners. The coach got thoroughly searched too with officials taking a knife to some suspicious looking bags. Back in Goa Surinder had warned us that during one of his boarder crossings a guy he met asked him to hold his guitar case while he went to the toilet, The border officer who searched it was a bit of a show off and started playing the guitar but if he search further down Surinder would have been in trouble and the owner would have been nowhere to be seen. I checked my bag to make sure noone had stashed anything in it. After getting fully saturated with rain we got the all clear. Past the boarder you had to have incredible faith in your fellow man/coachdriver. In very poor visibility he was navigating down wet winding roads with shear drops over the sides. Once we got to open land I glimpsed of the swarms of  motorbikes, the riders looked otherworldly with their bug eyed googles, mouthmasks, helmet and ponchos that covers their entire body. All the time in the coach you are playing a balancing game of dehydration and a full bladder as you never know when the next stop will be. My secret weapon is the fact I can sleep anywhere and I have used it to good effect but right now I have plugged in my headphones switched to shuffle and looked out over rainsoaked Vietnam 'Subterranean Homesick Alien' playing in my ears.

Laos River Eel!

Little update in case your interested, we were sharing the same river as these guys in Laos

Mekongnaga Caught in the Laos Mekong River by US servicemen during the Vietnam War image courtesy of wikipidia 

Surviving Vang Vieng, The Tubing Experience

The last eight days have to be honest been a bit of a blur, each day has dissolved into the previous and my body aches all over. This is because we have reached Van Vieng. Originally a sleepy town made up of a couple of streets beside the Nam Song River and sawtooth mountains, but now it has truly been overrun with backpackers. People flock here for one reason alone, the phenomenon that is tubing. It began about 10 years ago when a few tourist and Laotians got tubes and cruised down the river stopping off at local spots for a few beers. Since then it has snowballed to the party capital of Laos and perhaps Asia.
We arrived in the town late at night and you would be absolutely oblivious to what this town is famous for, the ghost town only hinted its true nature when we encountering a few boozy westerners shouting slurred words to us. Our tuk tuk driver spent a good hour trying to find our pre-booked hostel; De Rose eventually we chanced upon it and by the time we managed to explain to a few dozy sercurity guards that we were staying here it was 4am. Woken up by a demented rooster we went to see what this tubing thing was all about.

You pay a deposit on your tube and are then taken via tuk tuk upriver, walking down a trail you emerge to a swarm of westerns dancing and drinking on riverside platforms. There are bars peppered down the river 14 in total and each one offering a different genre of music but they all give you free shots for just walking in. Beers and Buckets of cocktails may as well be free too. Accompanying the bars is a adventure playground of diving boards, very big rope swings and slides that look more like ski jumps, these are soooo much fun. As you float downstream locals throw plastic bottles on strings hauling you into their bar. Not that they are too bothered whether you buy at their bar or someone elses; in tubing's infancy the bars were owned by a few family's who made all the profit. But once the Socialist government got wind of this they said that the whole town should get involved and thus everyone share the profits. Works well but has helped western culture infect all aspects of Van Vieng. On your downtime here (and you will need some) all the restaurants littering the main street serve western food and play endless repeats of Family Guy and Friends on flatscreens. They don't have tables, rather beds with a table on top so you can nurse your hangover as if you are in the comfort of your own home albeit the tropical climate and pounding sun. You have to wonder what the children think of us, the brash, loud and intoxicated tourists invading their town on a daily basis, I think i'd grow up to hate them.

The combination of fast moving water, alcohol, heights, rocks and male bravado means their is quite a high rate of accidents here, this year if you are to believe the locals, there have been 17 deaths, 4 of which were this season. You constantly have to be aware of what you are doing and know your limits, this is not the place where you want to get a injury. One of the guys we had seen drinking in a previous bar fell backwards down very steep concrete stairs, bleeding from the head every alcohol fueled man on the dance floor tries to be a hero, no-one has authority to actually give proper first aid and Laos hospital are notoriously bad. Last I heard after being resuscitated in tuk tuk he is now in a coma in Vientiane Hospital. Night falls fast here, 6:00 and its dark and your a idiot if you continue tubing (but some do) Jerome the Dutch nut I met in Goa said when he did it the locals found him clinging to a bridge, arms numb, tube long gone, he did it in wet season so had to contend with faster flowing water and the occasional log. One of the secrets of tubing is that it is best done tubeless, either opting to swim across the river without a cumbersome doughnut that will get stolen at some point, or walk between bar by makeshift Indian Jones style bridges.

At nightfall we all head to the Qbar in town. One night we went back with a few fellow tubers and spent the night swimming about our pool outside our hut (sadly it was only one night because we can't afford that luxury for more than a day) Another night at a bar stroking the local dog I was offered "Soup Dog" I really still can't get over dog on a menu! Basically Van Vieng Tubing is a blast I couldn't get enough of the rope swings and diving boards and met a lot of nice people, but you can only stay there for so long before going crazy or one way or the other damage your body. On our last day to kick off a much neededd detox period we rented old-school pushbikes and traveled a beautiful but bumpy journey to the blue lagoon. All the way down cookie cutter mountains (that looked like sleeping giants if you squint) surrounded us and roosters fled for cover. Hot and sweaty on arrive the blue lagoon was so refreshing and helped nurse the bruises and abrasions self inflicted from tubing and swinging, bent over one side of the lagoon was a tree with more rope swing and a jump from a branch about 18ft high. The water here was deep, cool and full of fish. This was a great way to cap off a crazy week. We have just left Vang Vieng for Vientiane, the old Royal City and Laos' capital. My days here will be hard to forget.

The Mong Village

I had managed to persuade Tish and Katie to come on a two day trek. Although they had already mentioned it wasn't really their thing I thought if it was anything like my trek in Chaing Mai how could you not love it! Hmm Well the day didn't start that well, due to last nights bowling alley shenanigans we overslept and had to run for the minibus, it turned out we had only gained one extra explorer though, a old-er dutch woman, but she had done a fair few treks in her time and she was probably the only one feeling fresh and up for walking miles, Andy had already confessed to me it was touch and go whether he was going to chuck up in the minivan. Once we got going though our bodies managed to sweat out the remaining toxins. The journey to the hilltribe was to be honest a bit underwhelming, literally just a dirt road, the distant views were great, hills like you would draw when you're a kid, but this wasn't jungle, just mountainous farmland. Our guide Kai was a laugh though, he kept singing Beiber and westlife songs. He wore an oversized jumper and a big hat to prevent the sun getting to him, It looked unbearable but to him this is winter! he had abnormally long thumb nails, although apparently this is fashionable because it shows people you don't do manual labour. At the summit with the Mong Tribe things picked up, we had far more time to explore this village than in Chaing Mai but the Dutch woman had to depart pretty as soon as she had arrived, how hardcore! Well the rest of us went to a school where the children were again fascinated by their faces captured on my camera. We spent a good few hours at the school and not once did I see any bullying or fighting, the older kids mentor the young.

The village structure consists of one leader (the best educated man) Village tasks are disproportional divided between men and woman, the men spend most of their time in the farms and working the fields while the woman cook, look after the children and work in the fields! There is no currency here but you share what you have for favors or trade animal and rice stocks. They do have some Laos Kip but this is solely for the purpose of buying provisions from the towns. The average life expectancy here is just 55 which maybe due in part to the locals relying on a witch doctor who gives ointments and speaks to the tribes ancestors. Although this way of life is in such contrast to our own lifestyles, none of the villagers want to go to the cities or towns if they can help it, just like the Thai tribe they are content here and happy. Maybe it is because they still have such a strong sense of community and they have time to spend with each other, two things I think we have lost in the West. This village is like a petting zoo, goats, pig, pigeon, dogs, chickens, geese, moles. and basically they eat everything here even the dogs! Before they get eaten though I guess they do have a good life, pigs and dogs chasing each other and lounging about.

Later on Tish and I helped Kai prepare our dinner, We made a traditional Lao dish with sticky rice and vegetables, we made it extra spicy and in my impartial opinion it tasted incredible, the sentiments weren't exactly shared by everyone round the table as Katie thought "it looks like shit" oh well there is no pleasing some people. One of the woman from the tribe came out while we were cooking and treated us to some mashed stickyrice with caramelised coconut inside, Kai kept refuring to her as 'Mama' because even if they aren't your parents you refer to your elders as mother and father to show respect. When evening fell the girls had a early night while me and Andy attempted to learn Lao songs round the fire with Kai and a villager who wasn't to shabby on a 4 string guitar. Kai slept in the same hut as us and started telling ghost stories about spirits possessing people in the north of the country. He even said he had seen his friend under a spirits spell.

The trek down in the morning was so much quicker than the way up, and together we managed to teach Kai a Tenacious D song, the one that starts with "this is a song for the ladies" hopefully he will sing it to future backpackers. I also managed to hunt down and catch a lizard and also my eagle eyes spotted a big scorpion scuttling along the path felt like bear grills! He was fairly safe to play with too because everyone knows the bigger the scorpion the less painful the sting, below he is dancing with a flower.

We walked down to the riverbed where we helped Kai set up the Kayaks and we paddled down The Mekong River, Along the way we had waterfights, drag races, passed slowboats, tried punting and swapped kayaks mid river a few times, the most dodgy bit was getting pass the whirlpool which the girls opt out of for a safer slower route. We were treated to a view of a gargantuan sheer limestone cliff face that at water level had been carved into small echoing caves. Soon after we hit the shore at a much larger Pak Ou caves that Buddhist monks had discovered during times of unrest. Since reading a book called 'born to run' that preaches barefoot whenever possible this may not have been the best time because while I ventured into the depths of the cave with only my camera's Infrared light to show the way I came across a massive spiny centipede like bug. After calling the others over not even Kai knew what it was but said I should stay away from it. Travelling a little further down the river (25km journey in total) we were offered free Lao Lao, a lot of the bottles had scorpions and snakes inside because its meant to give strength and vitality. After a shaky start this was a great couple of days.

sabqi dji Luang Prabang

After a messy immigration crossing, sorting out Laos visas, (you don't really know who to trust)  we are now travelling on two day slowboat voyage up a river to Luang Prabang. the luggage is stored below the narrow deck but when that is full it gets chucked on the roof and we saw a few close calls where the rucksacks almost fell overboard as they changed hands. The interior of the boat basically consists of old car seats bolted together in rows, the good thing about this is that you can slide them about the deck for more legroom, throughout the trip we were treated to dense unspoiled forest on either side of the river. occasionally you would see a small village where the children would run to the bank to greet our passing boat. Locals would also hop on and off the roof with ducks and rice supplies. After a while we ended up spinning our chairs around to play cards with the girls till our overnight stop. Feeling fairly travel weary we were bombarded with locals wanting you to come to their guesthouse. Eventually we found a decent price and the four of us traveled on the back of a pickup truck to a simple but nice house. The landlady offered us  some whiskey. It was out of a water bottle, I had the first swig because I assumed it would be ok, (it wasn't eating through plastic bottle) this was our first taste of lao lao, a local "whiskey" made from fermented rice. with fire in my belly I went in search of food, we found a place that had on the sign; "lovely jubbly" and "my wife makes good food!" sounded good, tasted good too. when it came to pay the money isn't the easiest to work with; (a can of coke cost 6,000kip) so you end up getting confused with all the zeros.

After another full day on our vessel we arrived in Luang Prabang, feeling sleepy we hoisted up our backpacks hoped onto dry land and scrambled up rocks to our first signs of a real town for 2 days, the sun was setting casting the world in dark crimson, thus we set about the exciting backpacker ritual of going from street to street trying to find a place to sleep whilst having all your possessions on your back. After we finally settled on a decent guesthouse with free tea! we began another hunt for nourishment, for the last two days we had been living off packets of perculier flavored crisps like hot and spicy crab and seaweed so I would happily settle for anything. We tasted Lao Beer that was very good when compared to the Chaing.We had a look through the nightmarket and inwhich tish managed to submerge her foot in someones excrement, very funny. We also introduced the girls to a new game I started in Bangkok where you sing to any pesky tok tok driver, so we sang a few renditions of 'wonderwall', 'like a virgin' and 'brighteyes', you get two reactions; bemusement which quickly turns to laughing, or just straight out shock, either way they to stop bothering you. At 11 there is a curfew so according to lonely planet the only place where you can still go and have a drink was the bowling ally, which when we were dropped off there was dead apart from a couple of locals 2 welshmen, Ben and Johnny who could really drink, and a frenchman, they arrived on the sameday as us by speedboat, the frenchman had grizzly face that had sucumbe to the suns gaze. we played a few drinking games of "arrogance" and "tipit" coin games that kept the barman very happy. We even tried to sneak in a few free bowling games, but you can only be so subtle with this and were soon told off. and a few hours and many unreasonable sized shots of lao lao later the bowling ally was full, I guess everywhere else had now closed. We took took'd it back to the hostel and crashed out.

The next day didn't really get started until the evening, we had to sleep off the lao lao and organise trips and buses in town, this involves shopping around and can take your whole day up. We did however climb up a lot of steps to a temple with a awesome view. In the evening we made our own Lao dishes on a fire and found this cool bar; Utopia, its full to the rafters with backpackers but has a really relaxed atmosphere,  we met up with the welsh lads and some Swedish guys, (one look just like Hanson, backwards cap and everything!) when Utopia closed the owner was kind enough to give us few who were lingering free absinthe shots to send us on our way, the took took dropped us at a local club that to be honest was rubbish so we left for our favorite watering hole, the bowling alley!

This morning we rented 4 speed scooters to find a waterfall, the bikes were heaps of rusty junk so we took it very easy especially when we had to drive over small bridges that were nothing more than lose planks of wood. The waterfall was worth it though, you can scrabble right to the top and waid across. lower down there are smaller falls and a rope swing! I think we stayed there until the girls where well and truly bored. The night ride back was full of flies but we got back ok, then onto Utopia and bowling, there is a pattern emerging here.

Pai

We moved to one of Thailand's most northern towns; Pai, the minibus ride there was along rumbling roads that snaked through the hills and mountains. When we arrived at nightfall it was such a relief to step into the fresh cool air (one of the girls next to us had been spewing vomit all the way up into whatever she had, hat, bag, crisp packet) Pai is a fairly small town situated close to the Burmese boarder, it was hit badly by the 2005 floods, but was slowly bouncing back. The first place we stayed Twin Hut were akin to those of the hilltribes we had stayed with during trekking, but still they were comfortable, a guy we went trekking with was staying there too, but probably not by choice. He had come off his scooter the day earlier whilst trying to avoid a dog, now he had to visit the hospital for fresh dressings on his wounds for the next 7 days. this made the third person I had met that had crashed their scooter in Pai.

The next morning we rented scooters! we had another traveler tagging along with us an Australian called Kath, this seems to happen quite a lot but its refreshing to have someone new with you for a few days. Cruising through the meandering roads we reached Pai Canyon. there are thin walkways on top, but  many of these had crumbled into the creek below so after hours of rock climbing I was covered in a fine coppery dust and lost a pair of ray bans. There were waterfalls nearby too which I also tried to climb but just resulted in me being drenched. After watching sundown over the canyon we drove back to the town, all journey back we had occasional glimpses of pretty big insects swooping past your face, enticed by the headlight.The evening was for relaxing so we kicked back with beer and pool, a Thai Pai dude in the corner reeling off half decent renditions of Dylan, John Denver and the Beatles until the early morning.

Today we are caving, this involved a good 5 hour journey so we started early. The roads on the way were incredible, the best I have ever driven (which isn't saying much) but so many of hairpins, spectacular views and wide yawning corners. At the cave mouth we were lead by a lantern to a bamboo raft that took us into the vast depths. It was surprisingly humid inside and the pungent smell of bat poo persisted throughout but the sheer scale of the cave was impressive. The water below us was rippling with shoals of large fish, some a good half meter in size. Occasionally we would get off the raft to walk up steep rickety wooden steps lead by our lantern guide; a withered old lady could only say 'o.k' whenever we wanted to ask any questions.  the journey back was largely uphill so Andy managed to overheat his scooter resulting much cursing as he attempted to push it up the hills and glide down on the occasional slope. He did manage to get it started before dark though and we made it in one piece to our new hostel SpicyPai; the beds in this place were suspended by bamboo and wood and you had to climb makeshift ladders this hostel was a lot busier than the previous and we went out with a bunch of people to a few local bars, I got chatting to a few hippies who tried to explain to me about aura and stuff. I still don't really get it and some of them were quite pretentious. A dog that stayed at the hostel followed us around the whole night.

So this marks our last day in Pai. We decided to make a trip to the natural hot springs the town is famous for and unwinding, we scooter'd along some dirt roads and farmland to discover what was essentially a bunch of rocks and steaming water, the eggy smell of sulphur wafting with the heat. not quite what I'd envisaged. hoping from rock to rock was like a serious game of "dont tread on the lava" because the water beneath was 95 degrees. On the way back we found the national park hotsprings which were much better, human beings can actually sit in these miniature waterfalls and not be scolded to death, I wish I could have said the same for the boiled frogs that littered the pools. After feeling throughly relaxed I headed back to Pai town, hauled on our backpacks and got a minibus here I met two girls Katie and Tish, both from Hampshire and were doing pretty much the same trip as Andy and I and for pretty much the same length of time. We were dropped off in a mouse ridden riverside hostel, lucky it was only for one night and there was nothing to do but get some sleep, in 3 hour we would be getting a slowboat down the river and across the Thai-Laos border to the town of Luang Prabang.

Flipping Mongoose

Today was a rush, we went mountain biking for the day. A guide took about 8 of us up into the foothills in a truck and you attempt to ride down. Easy right? The routs are ridiculously steep, like you have to lean way behind the saddle just to stop yourself flipping over, Out of all 8 young able participants only one person didn't fall off. I was riding a hardtail mongoose that was too small for me (in Thailand it is pretty hard to get hold of a large sized bike, but this meant it was a pretty unstable ride. The brakes here are the other way round too so it takes that extra split second to remind yourself which is your back brake. The trail itself was full of loose rocks and ledges 3 foot high in places. When I signed up for this I figured how hard could It be I have mountain biked in the UK, but I was in way over my head. Sometimes the guide would take us of the main track into a even steeper one where you had to contend with branches, rivers and tree roots too, this is where I took my first major fall. I think I must have been slightly leaning forward because on this particularly steep and narrow trail I hit a root and went straight over the handle bars, its one of those things that happens in slow motion because I remember still holding the breaks in a attempt to slow myself down, pointless of course because both wheels where in the air. I fell onto a log, a rotten one luckily that now has a human sized dent in it.

As you can imagine we had to stop pretty often for people falling off or people struggling on the punishingly steep uphills, but when we got going the guide was so quick to keep up with him my vision went blurry as I tried to analysis what rocks and grooves to transverse at speed. In another spot I hit a tree stump that wasn't going anywhere and I went over those bars yet again, I got a nice gash on my ankle this time because this time the bike followed me where I landed. The bike was in a bit of a state too, the back brake had been damaged. With only a front break I did pretty well only falling off one more time before the guide could fix it and my leg. At this point I wasnt so much riding my bike, I was falling down the mountain with style. There was only jungle route I didn't try, towards the end, the guide said it was the toughest one so without getting seriously injured after 3 falls I didn't want to push my luck, besides it turned out everyone except the guide walked their bikes out of it. At one point we stopped to have some fresh coffee that is grown all around the outdoor cafe, that was nice.

The trail leveled out at a lake where we sat in huts above the water and had lunch. This mountain biking had been such a adrenaline rush. In the evening we went out to a fancy restaurant called The Gallery, naturally I chose the cheapest food on the menu, but the meal was damn tasty. With full stomachs we walked to a local stadium to watch the tail end of a Mai Thai fight, these guys are vicious, and they just look like normal people. Next up we sat round a moving bar that had bicycle seats all the way round had a few drinks there and carried on to a club with some Irish girls. I don't remember too much after that apart from being chased by dogs on the way home.

Scooter Time

Seeing how I received my baptism of fire learning how to drive a scooter on the streets of India, Thailand's roads seem idyllic in comparison. I was on a 125 and we were going to drive up to the hills to have a look at another Temple. I think the hardest part was getting out of Chaing Mai. I quickly learnt how to weave and dodge through the narrowest of gaps in the static traffic. Ones we got to the snaking roads of the hills you could really start enjoying yourself. It was just mile after mile of winding road and as you got higher the air got thinner and cooler and we were up in the clouds. I was actually a bit disappointed when we got to the temple ahead of time, it did have some great views looking down at the city though. Back on the bikes we went a little higher to a single road, out here you use your horn as a sort of echo system, beeping on every corner to see if anyone beeps back on the other side. The road then became a stoney track that really tested the scooters offroading capabilities (I wont mention this to the rental shop) but It was worth it because we came to a waterfall, you can never have to many waterfalls!. I tried to climb it but just ended up pretty wet.

We got great ride cruising down as there were barely any vehicles, the city was packed though, I think it must have been rush hour and by the time I got back to the hostel I just crashed out. Scootering is exausting